Full Transcript of Interview with Monica
Here is the full transcript of the interview with Monica Spannbauer, the latest woman to get booted from "The Bachelor". I highlighted my portion of the conference call interview in PURPLE.
Question: You said The Bachelor was a moment to explore myself and figure out what, you know, what you wanted. Did you find out what you wanted?
Monica Spannbauer: Yes. Believe it or not through this experience, I came in with a lot of rules and a lot of expectations. And I really didn’t think it was ever going to pan out. But I think the one thing I learned about myself is in kind of a sappy way, how to see me in a different light. And even if you’ve had failed relationships I think that doesn’t define you as a person. What defines you is the people in your life and how you react to things.
And I kind of found myself through this show which is a cool thing for me, being 33, you know, I mean finally.
Question: And in your exit interview you said you were afraid of love, why? Why is that?
Monica Spannbauer: I have been in very few relationships. I mean to be honest my whole life, three long relationships. And single for about two years in Salt Lake City. And there’s a large Mormon culture here. So the dating scene, and I’m not Mormon so it hasn’t been like the best thing for me.
I was married and I went through a divorce. Things like that defeat you a little bit. And you always wonder if you ever going to find that right person. And so, I’m a little bit afraid of it. I’m afraid to be hurt. I’m afraid to open up. I’m just kind of afraid of it, you know. But I feel like I’m getting to that point to where whether you fear it or not, you just survive it and you’re fine.
You get over it. You live. This too shall pass.
Question: So obviously in the first episode you and Jenna did not hit it off that well. But in her call, you said that you guys ended up being friends and finding some respect for each other. So, is that true, you guys friends now?
Monica Spannbauer: Completely. I mean, I don’t talk to Jenna obviously, but the whole thing was really ridiculous. It was over the stupidest thing, a complete misunderstanding. After five hours of being questioned about it that’s where everybody saw me get belligerent. I was kind of over it.
She really, I think there was this huge misunderstanding. And the next day, she came to me and apologized. And I said, “You know what, that’s really big of you, because I was just going to push it right into the carpet.” And we were fine. We were fine ever since then. It was not a big deal at all.
Question: You said in the first episode that, you know, didn’t have initial feelings for Ben right away. But, of course, you didn’t know him and hadn’t really talked to him. So as you left, did anything grow or change for you at all or did you leave feeling the way that you first came in?
Monica Spannbauer: Well, I will kind of clear it up a little bit. I’ve never seen the show. So I got on to this show completely being nominated by a friend. So I haven’t fallen in love with Ben like some of these girls have by watching his character on the last season.
And so, I literally came in knowing four things about this man. And the first night, you know, we did have a chance to talk. And I thought he was kind of stuffy and kind of boring. And as I got to know him he’s really fun. Like I said in my exit thing, he’s quirky and he’s funny. He’s definitely a guy I’d want to hang out with. Just not a guy I want to date.
Jennifer Matarese: Hi. Can you kind of describe like what exactly happened the first night? You know, was it portrayed correctly between what was going on with you and Blakely?
Monica Spannbauer: I knew this one was coming. So you ride to the house, to the mansion in a limo with five other ladies or four other ladies, there’s five total. And Blakeley, everybody in the limo was, believe it or not, Courtney was in my limo; Anna Snowball was in there. And Blakeley and I just kind of hit it off. They were much younger than me. And we were close in age, and we just hit it off as friends.
She was funny. We laughed. I mean, when you get out of that limo you’re nervous as can be. And I obviously forgot my lines. And you walk into the lion’s den so I’ll call it and it was kind of nice to have somebody on your arm like a friend going somewhere with you. And that’s what it felt like with Blakeley. I liked her a lot. I think she’s a really nice girl. She’s very nervous.
So as far as did that really happen, yes. Was it under the context of me being bisexual or into her? Absolutely not. I was kind of telling Cathy this. I was aware of the cameras and aware that anything was happening around me, but not really aware that they can hear me whispering. And I wasn’t trying to get her number to be her girlfriend. We’re not supposed to talk to each other.
So it was kind of trying to break the rules by saying, “Look, if all, we got out of this, if we go home tonight and all I did is making a new friend, then this is awesome. You know, who cares. I just wasn’t stressed about getting on film and she was. So, I was just trying to be kind of comforting. I know, it’s so funny.
Jennifer Matarese: You said that Courtney was in your limo, what did you think of her overall? Do you think she’s right for Ben?
Monica Spannbauer: I absolutely think she’s wrong for Ben, but the more I watch the show because obviously I don’t get to see everything that happens too. They possibly deserve each other. I think that when I met Courtney, she was very low key the first night.. She didn’t stand out among anybody. The only thing I remember is her commenting that she was a vegan.
And I just remember looking at her thinking, “OK, you know, you’re very skinny and this and that. How do you not eat meat?” But that was literally the bulk of my discussion with her or my interaction with her all night. She was nice. She wasn’t this mean Courtney that everybody is seeing.
Jennifer Matarese: The whole time you knew her she was nice?
Monica Spannbauer: I never had a problem with her at all. She said very rotten things to the other girls. I became really close with the other women. And they would consult with me or in me. I was kind of their base. They called me “Mama Bear” which is so funny because I was always just like consoling them.
And I don’t like the way she treated people but I personally never had an issue, ever.
Question: So as a follow up to the previous question regarding Courtney. I mean I don’t know if you’re, you know, looking on Twitter as the episode is airing. But people are really, you know, being very hard on her and not liking her. I mean she’s the other girl.
You know, do you or you’re sad to see that Ben seems to kind of picked her out of the group? What do you think about him falling for her?
Monica Spannbauer: I have no idea. I don’t (inaudible) the whole way and still am. I think she’s the sweetest, most wonderful girl. And Courtney picked on her which made me very protective, of course. I don’t know. I mean, I don’t read any of the stuff that people are saying because I don’t want to read my own.
But Courtney’s not very nice, I mean, she kind of deserves everything that’s coming towards her. I (inaudible) things that she is somebody different around us women and somebody different around a man. And she is really manipulative. And really good at what she does. And obviously that’s the kind of girl that Ben is looking for at least to this point.
So, I don’t know. I mean, I kind of think if they end up together they deserve each other because of he’s that shallow and she’s that manipulative, then they totally work together, you know.
Question: Now, let’s say she does make it, you know, long down to the season. Do you think Ben is kind of sitting at home right now and being like, watching this, and be like, “Oh my God, she’s totally completely different person than I thought she was.”?
Monica Spannbauer: Absolutely, I do. I’ve watched two interviews with Jimmy Kimmel on this and that, and I watched Ellen yesterday. And for the first time ever, knowing a little bit I know about Ben’s personality, he’s not so light hearted and easy going about it anymore. He either wants to solely protect her because he did choose her or he’s all of a sudden going, wow.
Because his mom and sister are fairly conservative. And he’s kind of had a good time on this show. And he said I’m going to mean, I wasn’t going to worry about it. But he does care about what his family thinks. And I guarantee they’re not looking at her as a very nice girl for Ben.
Question: Good. So in Ben’s People blog, he wrote that his decision to send Samantha home with something he had thought about earlier that day. And it had been brought to his attention by some of the other women that she wasn’t there for the right reasons. Do you have any idea what Ben was referring to? Could you elaborate on what the women had thought about Samantha?
Monica Spannbauer: Samantha is a great girl. She is funny. She is opinionated. I like her. She’s a friend. She definitely had about as much feelings for Ben as he had for her. I can’t really elaborate on anything. It just got to a point to where, “Why am I here, what do I want? But I think she was really willing to put herself out there and possibly see if there was something. And at that point he was over it.
Maybe what he saw was the disinterest in her up to that point. Maybe it was her aggressive nature when she came out and kind of called them out on some things. I don’t know, but she just wasn’t for him, and he wasn’t for her. So I think it was a really good thing he sent her home.
Question: So do you think there were specific reasons that the woman believed Samantha was on the show for? Like, you know, what did you think about her and why she was on the show personally?
Monica Spannbauer: I think when you go on a show, it’s such a long process that everybody goes in it for some sort of right reason. And I don’t want to say it’s love because I was completely skeptical, but I wanted to see what it was like. So people could even say I was there for the wrong reason. I just felt like it was an experience, and if it worked out, great, if it didn’t, great.
But I don’t think that she came in just genuine. I think that she came in for the right reasons. I just think she realized very quickly that she didn’t like him. And she stayed a little bit longer than she should have. I think maybe some other girl should have had the opportunity.
Question: Sure. If Ben didn’t have an issue with the girls sharing their concerns about Samantha with him, then why do you think he got so hostile towards Emily O’Brien when she wanted to talk to him about Courtney? Like do you think Ben was just very in to Courtney and maybe not so much into Samantha, and that was what made up the difference?
Monica Spannbauer: Absolutely. Like I said, I don’t see a lot of this stuff in watching it now at the public. And when I see Ben’s reaction with Courtney, I’m dead shocked. I knew he liked her. But that very last, well just last week when they went on the group date she came back with a rose. And everybody was a 100 percent convinced that Courtney was going to shoot herself in the foot because she doesn’t do well with us.
And she’s obviously a very great actress or a manipulative person with Ben. We all thought she manipulated him and he gave her the rose, which I thought was the worst decision ever. And it really put everybody on edge. They were absolutely beside themselves in tears going, “If this is the kind of girl he wants, I don’t know if I should be even be here.”
And so, I absolutely think it was his connection with her versus his connection that he didn’t with Samantha. So it was very easy to be kind of harsh with Samantha and send her home. And again, I mean there’s a lot more behind the scenes that goes on than everybody sees. So we don’t know how lengthy that conversation was or maybe she was a little crude. I mean, who knows, you know.
Question: So my one question, I know you said that you are team Kacie B. I am too, I think she’s adorable.
Monica Spannbauer: Yes.
Question: Why? I mean why do you think she is right for Ben or, you know, based on…what else you said about Ben possibly deserving Courtney. You know, you maybe hope that he doesn’t through Kacie because maybe that’s not going to work out.
Monica Spannbauer: Yes. Going through the process, I found a very close relationship with Kacie B.. Like I said, I see myself in her. She’s nine years younger. She’s the sweetest, most adorable thing. What you see is what you get, honestly. I really saw a very genuine real side of Ben while filming all of this.
And I thought, you know, hands down team Kacie B., like what am I doing here? That’s kind of why I was glad I left. I felt like I was going to date her boyfriend and I couldn’t do that. So watching the show now though I really hope he doesn’t take Kacie. I really don’t because I don’t think he’s deserving of what a kind beautiful person she is.
I don’t think it’s fair. I think he’ll break her heart. And to be honest with you, if you did take her and there in that blissful state of this new relationship and they’re having to watch this awfulness, that’s detrimental to a relationship. And if it’s Courtney, she obviously can just (scuff) it off and say, “Winning”, you know.
So that’s kind of why are you here a little bit bitterness for me. I didn’t see this side of Ben and it’s very disappointing because I do feel like he’s genuine and a real person. But the choices he’s making, it’s purely being a man and being manipulated.
Question: Right. Yes, it seems very easy how very manipulative. I mean I don’t know, again you know you don’t see everything. But it’s like one of those things like you’re really, come on dude, do you not see this?
Monica Spannbauer: Yes. When Ellen said, somebody should be hitting you on the shoulder going “Uh-uh”. I died laughing thinking, “Absolutely” and that’s what Emily was trying to do. It wasn’t even for her own sake. It was for, “do you not see what’s happening?” You know, “do you not honestly see this because I’m kind of trying to give you a heads up.”
Question: And then my other question is regarding Shawntel coming back. And you know the girls were very angry, it seems like. And kind of whipped into a frenzy including Courtney. And it made me wonder because you know we talked with Shawntel last week and she said, you know, people seem kind of angry towards her and mean. And she kind of understood but then she felt like Ben only made the decision to send her home because the rest of you were so angry about it.
Do you think she should have stayed? I mean maybe she could have wriggled herself, him away from Courtney?
Monica Spannbauer: Like I said earlier, I’ve never seen the show. So when Shawntel walked in, the girls hands down were upset. That was not produced. That was not edited. They were livid. And they didn’t understand why because I don’t know this girl. I had no opinion either way.
I don’t think it’s fair that she came in midway. I don’t because I feel like you start this process. It’s very long. It’s very daunting. And so you kind of all should start from day one so that I do agree, it’s not fair. But Courtney, the only opinion I have on this is with Courtney, she has told me because I sat right next to her in the Rose Ceremony. And she came up to me and said, “if he keeps that you-know-what, I’m leaving.”
And you know, she obviously said it on the show. When she went up to accept her rose she told us or she told me that she was going to tell him that. And if she was going to say I’ll accept this rose but if you keep her, I’m leaving. And she didn’t say that. She just said that it was kind of weird or whatever.
And so I don’t know how much I trust any of that. And it seems like Shawntel and Ben had been talking that they had some kind of relationship. And I think maybe he did want to keep her. Because he sent Jacqueline and Ericka home in the same sentence which was kind of weird. But it was the moment when I realized he cared enough to continue the relationships with the girls he had met, you know, us. And he didn’t think it was fair.
So I kind of took that as a very bold statement. And maybe he let himself down, maybe he could have kept her and saw something come from it. But I think he was very concerned about how it would make the rest of us feel, especially Courtney. So, yes, I think he did that for everyone else and not himself.
Question: Yes, I guess we’ll see. It’s weird because I feel like the show, I mean, being that he is the Bachelor, you know, namesake of the show it seems kind of like he should make decisions based on what he wants to do.
Monica Spannbauer: Right.
Question: But you know, at the same time…
Monica Spannbauer: We’re all seeing he’s…
Question: Being stared down by angry girls is not easy either.
Monica Spannbauer: Right. He’s maybe a little scared of us, I don’t know.
Question: So I know you’ve been discussing Courtney a lot. It appears in the promos that she is the girl that he goes skinny dipping with in this upcoming scene for Monday’s episode. And I know you’ve only seen as much of it as we have in little teasers, but what was your reaction?
Monica Spannbauer: I’m not surprised. I feel like Courtney’s going to pull out any gun and any ammo necessary to make this work for her because I do, it is a competition in a way. But when feelings become involved which a lot of these girls have feelings, I don’t think it’s a competition anymore. It just becomes about you and him, and how this is going to be.
And I feel like everything Courtney does is despite the women or it’s almost kind of like, you know, like wrenching that something to hurt everybody and not necessarily get Ben. I mean I wouldn’t go skinny dipping with him and it’s not because I’m prudish or not cool. What’s the point? Like, what for? I don’t get it.
Question: OK. All right, what else? Yes, I think you answered everything else. That was only my last lingering question unless would you be…I was going to ask if you would want to comment on Emily being the next Bachelorette. But you said you didn’t watch previous seasons.
Monica Spannbauer: Yes, I am…when I saw her name I was like, “Great”. I have no idea. I thought it was our Emily at first and then I realized that was a different last name. So I don’t know.
I heard that she’s kind of America’s sweetheart, kind of the Kacie B. on this. And so, I think that’s great. And considering she’s a single mom, and I think this was a first time deal. That’s kind of cool, you know. I wish her the best of luck.
Question: So what going through your mind at the rose ceremony when Ben only had one rose left, did you assume it was going to be you or Emily? And what was your immediate reaction when he did end up choosing Emily instead of you?
Monica Spannbauer: I, first of all, was not even counting who was there and who wasn’t. That’s why in my “Diaries of the Departed” I was like, “Oh, I’m the last one.” Through a conversation that Ben and I have had, which obviously was off camera, I kind of suspected I was going home. And for the record, that’s why I wore this ridiculous dress that I wore that night. It was a joke.
I’ve had this dress for 15 years and it has huge red roses on it. And I know I was going home that night. It was a 30-minute drive to my house. I mean, I just had this intuitive feeling. And I felt like he wasn’t feeling anything for me as much as I wasn’t feeling for him. And if it was going to come out, it was going to come through that conversation that night.
And so, I kind of made a joke to everybody I already got my rose, you know, it’s on my dress. So I wasn’t paying attention and I was shocked to go, “Oh yes, I’m the last one” you know. But I kind of felt like I was going home regardless…I just didn’t think I was the only one going home.
But I guess, like I said, Samantha had gone home earlier, I knew Emily was staying. She’s a great girl. I mean, I don’t think everybody gets to see the actual depths of Emily. She is funny. And she’s pretty and she’s smart, and she’s quirky. And she’s just an all around great girl. So I never thought he was sending her home. And I didn’t realize she was so worried.
You know, I actually broke up the fight between her and Courtney. And I said, “You’re not doing this.” You are not going to sit here in a yelling match with this girl when she’s, like she said verbally assaulting her, you know. So I felt kind of bad. I felt bad that Emily have so much anxiety. But I never thought she was going home, not at all.
Question: Sure. And unless I missed it, your divorce wasn’t unlike Nicki part of what we saw on TV. Did you ever share that with Ben? Or like we’ve seen of Nicki so far where you kind of worried about telling him that too soon?
Monica Spannbauer: No. To be honest with you, there’s this video that says “too much information” and it’s about my mom. You know, I have kind of this scary childhood background story. And the producers really kind of pushed me to talk about our situation to Ben. And I said, “Oh my God, I would never talk to this about somebody so early on.” You know, I’d rather talk about my divorce.
So it wasn’t that it was a secret. It’s been so long and I’m so over it. I don’t care, you know. I’m still really good friends with my mother-in-law. I mean, it was a divorce through infidelity on his part but he did me a favor. I didn’t want to be in it. I just don’t believe in divorce. So no, I wasn’t embarrassed at all. I just didn’t think it was even necessary. It had been over since ’95,you know.
Question: Sure. And what was your reaction when Brittney chose to quit the show? Did that surprised you? Did you see that coming at all? And you know, had she talked to you about wanting to leave or anything?
Monica Spannbauer: No. Brittney was very private about things. I liked the girl a lot. And that’s why you kind of see me in this background with tears. I was really shocked and really sad because I knew why she went home and I knew her feelings about it. So it kind of upset me that she probably could have been a better fit over some of the other girls, that maybe, you know, it was perceived that they weren’t there for Ben or the right reasons a.k.a. Samantha.
That’s kind of what Brittney told him about. And I think that’s where Ben started to look at Samantha. You know I got an earlier question about that. Brittney told him that Samantha was there for the wrong reasons. So whatever she hurt or whatever she knew, she was upset about and she said, “This isn’t for me.”
She didn’t have feelings for him. She didn’t want to go through it. The girls get very emotional and all you do is talk about your feelings all day, and she was over it. But I was really sad to see her go because it was a shock to me.
Question: OK. My last question is, you talked a little bit about Kacie B. But while you’re on the show which other bachelorette did you think would be good for Ben or you considered front runners? And did you think anyone in particular was there for the wrong reasons? I know you Courtney as well on that.
Monica Spannbauer: I don’t, like I said, I don’t know if anybody was there necessarily for the wrong reasons. It just depends on what their reasons are for, you know. And I think everybody was at least open to the idea finding love but possibly skeptical, and so maybe it came off as I am the tough girl and I’m here for the wrong reason, and especially for me. I know America is looking at me going “why is this girl on the show? She has no interest in him.” I went completely open-minded. I think for sure Nicki, I think hands down, Nicki is a beautiful individual. She’s got a heart of gold. I do think she’s a little bit, she’s very emotionally invested in this, obviously, and as well Kacie B. and Emily.
So I felt like the three of them at the point when I was there, they would have been great matches for him. But those are probably the only three that I can pick out that for sure, I can actually see Ben with.