Full Transcript of Interviews with Kacie and Nicki
Here is the full transcript of the conference call with Kacie and Nicki. I've highlighted my portion of the call in PURPLE.
Question: So, when you had your conversation with Ben on this past week's episode he said he felt like you were worlds apart. Do you feel like your hometown date had a lot to do with it with him meeting your family and do you think prior to that he was planning on keeping you around?
Kacie Boguskie: I think that coming to my hometown and to the South which is unfamiliar to him -- it was the first he had ever been down this way -- really showed him a different world. As much as I'd like to think that, you know, California and Tennessee aren't that different, they are. And so I think it influenced his decision.
Question: And then one thing I noticed about Ben sometimes is that he looks like he is shutting down and becoming a little bit cold. And I felt toward the end of your conversation especially when you guys started talking about Courtney that that side of him came out once again. Did you feel that way as well?
Kacie Boguskie: No, I don't think that he like he is shutting down and he's cold. I just think he is really processing what you're saying and making sure that he is taking it all in and, you know, if he has any questions for you that he is going to get them out before he doesn't have the chance to.
Question: Ben has two women left, Lindzi and Courtney. Can you rate each and say who you think he should pick and why, although it's not really a surprise?
Kacie Boguskie: I think, honestly watching the way he interacts with both of them, I'm Team Lindzi because I love Lindzi, but for his happiness and compatibility, it seems, it seems like he and Courtney get along great.
Question: OK, and what surprises you most when you're watching the show back?
Kacie Boguskie: Oh, that's a tough one. The biggest surprise I guess is watching him with other women, and, you know, seeing how they bring out different sides of him.
Question: OK. When you were watching it back, did you feel that maybe you understood more why he let you go finally?
Kacie Boguskie: Yes, I think watching the show has been very therapeutic, and it has let me see that maybe there are differences there, that, that wouldn't have lasted.
Question: I was wondering if, you know, when you went to see him in Switzerland, was the hope that he would see the error of his ways and take you back?
Kacie Boguskie: Initially when I went, I was not going for a second chance, I really wanted closure and just to make sure that I knew I said my piece about Courtney, because I really do care about him and I want him to be happy. But of course there was that little part of me that maybe hoped that he would see, if he saw me again he'd be like, “oh, I made a mistake and I want you to stay.” But I was not expecting that at all, and that's not why I went back.
Question: You know, a lot of women who we've talked to in the process of this, you know, once they've gotten home, have sort of realized “oh, he wasn't the one for me. I'm glad he let me go,” you know, I think even Emily said,” I feel like I dodged a bullet.”
Do you think now looking back, I mean I know you just said that you, after watching the show, that you decided he really wasn't the person for you, and I, and I know you've also said that, that you fell in love with him. Do you feel kind of glad that you didn't make it all the way to the end now, or do you still feel like, no I really did genuinely fall in love with him, it could have worked had I made it. Where are you at in that process?
Kacie Boguskie: I did genuinely fall in love with Ben, and while I was there, and I think that I'm glad I left when I did though, because my feelings just would have progressed more, and I really think, in retrospect, and after watching the show, that we wouldn't have been the best couple, maybe later on, and so I'm glad that, that as much as it did hurt, that I didn't get any further in my feelings.
Question: Can you elaborate on why you don't think you would be a good couple?
Kacie Boguskie: I think, I really think Ben described it well when he said we're from two different worlds, and I think I didn't want to see that at the time, but now I get it. You know, and I think we're are, will be great friends, you know, and we are very compatible, and we'll have a lot of fun, but I just think that there are differences that you know, in everyday life, we would have to compromise on.
Jennifer Matarese: So, you were, you know, pretty shocked when you left, but you said, you know, now you have some clarity with that, but with going to talk to him about Courtney, and it seems like, you know, he really did listen to what you had to say but just kind of went the other way, anyway do you regret talking to him about that? I mean, do you think that you'll be able to be friends with him if he does pick her?
Kacie Boguskie: I definitely don't regret talking to him about Courtney, and I was prepared for him to be very standoffish if I brought it, whenever I brought it up. But he, he was, he was very open to hearing what I had to say and said that, you know, the things that I said were concerns to him.
But him still choosing to pick her is his decision, and it's for him. At the end of the day, it's about what makes him happy and hopefully, you know, if he does choose her, that it is her that makes him happy. So I think after all of this, him choosing Courtney doesn't affect, you know, really, how I feel about him as a person because I really think he is a great guy, and I don't think it affects a possible friendship later.
Jennifer Matarese: And you know you had some negative feelings about Courtney, what was it about her that you know, rubbed you the wrong way, and what do you think of her now after watching?
Kacie Boguskie: I think for me personally it was the little jabs that Courtney would make, and the little comments she would make under her breath and, and the way that she would position herself to be, be noticed more. And those, those are things that I wouldn't do.
And also too, as I said this, that she has two sides, and there was a side that she had around the house and there was a side she had around Ben, and I have a problem with somebody who has two different sides. And, because I don't know which one is really you. And so that's what I had the most trouble with about Courtney.
Question: Good thanks, so do you think now that you've been on the show that you have a better idea of what you're looking for in a relationship?
Kacie Boguskie: Oh, definitely, since the show has aired even, you know, and being there you learned a lot about what you want, but I think also it's just really made me evaluate what I do want in somebody, and it's been, it's been great. That's been one of the positives that's come out of all this.
Question: So what are you looking for? What are you hoping to find in a man?
Kacie Boguskie: Oh goodness, where do I begin? I think my first two qualities that I really want, that I think have always been consistent in any relationship I've had that have made them work, is I do want somebody that has the same religious beliefs I do, and I want somebody who's going to be like, my best friend. And other than that, you know, I want somebody who's adventurous and fun, that likes to stay on the go, that likes to try new things. There's a long list, but I think those are probably my top three.
Question: So the main issues the viewers got to see about your hometown date, was that your father didn't drink and obviously wasn't thrilled to give Ben his permission to marry you, and your mother also voicing her opinion about how she'd be disappointed if you two ended up moving in together after the show. So was there all there was to it behind Ben, behind Ben's bold statement that you two were completely different backgrounds and worlds, or did more happen the viewers didn't get to see? Maybe giving Ben a little bit more justification for feeling that way?
Kacie Boguskie: Yes, I think those were the highlights, and, but going into it, you know, I was like, oh, you know, my dad doesn't drink, and I didn't mean it like in a bad way, I was just preparing him for dinner, you know, thinking, in case he doesn't drink don't be offended, but it's okay if we do. And, you know, I think that and then my mom talking about us moving in together those are some things that, you know, are that he wanted to live with whoever he was going to be with and I mean he does own a winery so those are two things in his life that didn't exactly line up with my parents’ views.
And so, I think they hit the highlights. They did a good job of hitting the highlights of what could have possibly led to him making his decision.
Question: Sure, and Chris Harrison has characterized your struggles with respecting your parent's desire that you not live with Ben as an indication that you're still a little young and immature. What is your response to that? Do you believe that being respectful of your parents' feelings is a sign of immaturity?
Kacie Boguskie: No, I don't think so. At the end of the day they are my parents and they have my best interest at heart and they also want me to you know stick to the values that they've instilled in me. And so I want to respect them, but at the same time I think there's also some compromise. And I think that you know that could have been, that would have been one of Ben and my's decisions and not theirs at the end of the day.
Question: So once you got home, were you upset with your family at all for maybe scaring Ben off a little bit or changing his mind about your relationship? Or did you believe that they really did the right thing in looking out for you and asking life's important questions just because they simply want what was best for you? Like were you a bit angry or were you more appreciative?
Kacie Boguskie: No, I wasn't angry with them at all because they stuck to their values which is hard if you get wrapped up in some of this, you know, to do that and to stand up for what they believe. And so I was proud of them for that and also, at the end of the day, we're going to spend holidays with my family and you're going to be a big, they're always going to be a big part of my life. And I feel like that if whoever I'm with or they don't mesh, that could cause problems for me, and them later and so I want everybody to get along.
And I want the big Partridge family I guess and so, I don't I guess, that it wouldn't work.
Question: Hi, so now that you've watched the show and sort of gotten the big picture, how have your feelings changed about Ben?
Kacie Boguskie: I think that watching the show, I still think that Ben is a great guy and I have the utmost respect for him. And I've really watching the show and seeing why he let certain people go when he did made me respect him even more. You know he didn't want to lead anybody on. And at the same time it just makes me question a little bit what he was looking for.
Question: Got you.
Kacie Boguskie: And I thought it was maybe somebody, you know, I told him I was ready for, I wanted to be a mom and have a family and, you know, sometimes that scares people off. And I thought that that might be the point that he was in his life too.
Question: Good thanks. So you said you don't regret warning Ben about Courtney at all but do you think that he took your’s or anyone else's advice to heart or do you think he kind of just like brushed it off?
Kacie Boguskie: I think in the beginning he kind of brushed off what Emily said, but when I went back I mean I flew across the world to go and talk to him, and I think that he also, I'm not saying that he didn't have respect for other people, but he had a level of respect for me and I think coming back he saw my genuine concern. I mean after watching it I was like my goodness, my, I didn't, I knew my heart was racing but my voice was shaking and I think that he knew that I genuinely loved him and cared about him and wanted him to be happy.
And that's why I was saying something. So I think that he really gave that a lot of merit.
Queston: Right, and Courtney actually yesterday was spotted trying on wedding dresses. What do you think about that?
Kacie Boguskie: I haven't heard that and I mean I don't know.
Question: And you were always the fan’s favorite. Would you ever consider becoming the Bachelorette?
Kacie Boguskie: I think if they would ask me, it depends on where I'm in, in my life since it's not right now since Emily Maynard's it. It depends on where I am in my life and you know if my family would be on board because it's a group decision at that point. You know they have to be a part of it as well.
Question: I was going to ask you that very question about being the Bachelorette but I guess you've pretty much answered that. So I will ask you this, how do you feel just in general about your own behavior watching back the whole season from start to finish?
Kacie Boguskie: I think that my behavior is portrayed just the way that I am in real life. I am exactly the same way on TV that I am in person and so I was very pleased. Of course there were times that I said things that I wish I hadn't but I think that anybody when they hit that wall of frustration, they might lash out. And you know those were the things I wish I could take back, but I can't and, unfortunately, had to watch them again. But other than that, you know, I feel like I was very respectful.
Question: And you and your parents are OK despite all that we've seen you go through and you sort of, you know, tell them look, we could decide things it wouldn't be about them or is everything OK with you and your parents now?
Kacie Boguskie: Yes, everything is great between my parents and I. I think this has actually been very good for all of us to be more open about things and discuss. I mean I've never had to deal with a situation like this before and they haven't either. So, I think it's brought us closer, but it's also made them realize, you know, that I am a grown woman and I have my own opinions and I'll make my own decisions and they have to respect that.
Question: I'm good thank you. We just heard you describe your journey throughout the show. What surprised you most watching the show about Courtney? Obviously there were things that you saw her do that you might not have been privy to. So, what was the most surprising thing, if you could use one word to describe her behavior through the show, what would it be?
Kacie Boguskie: I would say manipulative.
Kacie Boguskie: Because the way that she acted around us. I'm not sure who she manipulated anymore if it was us or him. But I feel like at some point she was manipulating somebody.
Question: And was there a scene that you maybe weren't involved in that you watched, watching it back that you kind of was like what, what is she doing?
Kacie Boguskie: Oh, when she went skinny dipping. I mean are you kidding me? My jaw dropped.
Question: Fair enough.
Kacie Boguskie: I was like where was I? I was asleep in bed.
Question: So there has been a report that things are actually already over between Ben and the bachelorette he picked at the end. If that's true, what's your reaction to that and would that surprise you?
Kacie Boguskie: I haven't heard anything like that. But if it was, I think that this has been hard to watch I think for everybody. And it would pose a lot of questions I think for Ben towards Courtney and so it might make things very hard for them work through, so. I would be hard for me as a person to watch that and not have a lot of questions. So it wouldn't surprise me.
Question: And what was your family's reaction when you got home. Like were they disappointed in Ben and how did their opinion of him change, if at all, from while you were on the show and since they've been watching the season unfold from home on TV and being able to see his relationships with all the other women and everything like that.
Kacie Boguskie: Initially whenever I got home, my parents really liked Ben. I mean at my hometown, they do, they like him as a person, you know. And I think watching the show they just, they have seen different sides of him, but they still respect him and they think he is a great guy and they do want the best for him and they want him to be happy.
Question: Sure and you seem extremely surprised about your elimination. So do did you think was going to be sent home instead of you. Like what was going through your mind as he was about to hand out that last rose.
Kacie Boguskie: Well, I going into it I definitely didn't think I was going home. But I didn't know how the other hometown dates had gone so I had no clue of who could possibly be going home.
But when it got down to Nicki and I and only one rose, I was, I thought that it was going to be me and that Nicki would be going home, and I have the utmost respect for Nicki in the world and I think she is one of the best people out there. And I was shocked though that it was me.
Question: Sure and what Chris Harrison sat down with Ben after you returned to the show. He asked if he wanted to allow you to join the other girls for the rose ceremony. In other words, give you a second chance. What was your reaction when you found that out and how did it make you feel when Ben actually chose to decline that offer? Like did it not really surprise you based on the conversation you had with him before or did it actually make you hurt even a little more?
Kacie Boguskie: No. After watching that, (inaudible) I understand that I didn't go back expecting him to want me back because there is a lot that happened especially in the short amount of time. It's hard I guess to play catch up if you want to call it that. And so unless his feelings were very strong, I wouldn't expect him to say yes.
It would have been awesome if he did. And when he said no it was just a little more closure knowing that, you know, he really didn't see this and I don't want to be with somebody who just doesn't hands down want to be with me.
Question: So just a hypothetical situation I guess what would you have done if Ben decided to ask you to return to the competition. It’s easy to assume you might have said yes because you were clearly in love with him, but had Ben hurt you too much at that point to truly recover and be able to get back into a healthy relationship with him.
Kacie Boguskie: No, I mean clearly I was still in love with him. It had only been three days. You can't fall out of love that quickly unfortunately. But I would have said yes because I think him choosing to keep me over somebody else and, you know, I think it because he was, would send people home right away, you know, like in the middle of the day, he was eh, “this wasn't working,” he wasn’t afraid to send them home.
And so, if he had asked me to stay it would have, I think, signified to me that maybe I was the one and I probably wouldn't have worried about being sent home after that.
Question: OK and just one last question, Kacie. Have you moved on since the show or are you still in the process of getting over Ben and what happened? Are you still single or dating anyone now?
Kacie Boguskie: I am still single. And you know I think watching it has been very therapeutic in helping me over it. But I mean I am in a great place right now and I am ready to see who I meet next and so, yes, I'm doing great.
Question: Hi. Emily said she would have been happy if Ben had chose and Nicki because she felt that him and Courtney maybe deserved each other. Do you agree with that sentiment?
Kacie Boguskie: I don't think that I like the word deserve.
Kacie Boguskie: At the end of the day I just want him to be happy and ultimately, Courtney is a human being. I want her to be happy too.
Kacie Boguskie: So if they are a great couple who are we to judge how they work and who they are, you know? I mean everybody there is somebody out there for everybody I believe. And so if they're meant to be together, then I think that they should be together. But I think it’s been sweet of everybody to be like “Ben deserves Courtney” you know, and not just a Lindzi and (inaudible). Yes.
Question: If there is a guy from any other Bachelorette season you would date who would it be?
Kacie Boguskie: Oh my gosh.
Question: Anyone you have your eye on.
Kacie Boguskie: That's a lot of seasons.
Kacie Boguskie: No, not right now. I mean as part I'm part of a very large family.
Kacie Boguskie: I guess at this point and I've met a few of them and they're all great guys. I mean people on the show are so awesome and amazing that you know I can see why it works out where people find other people from other seasons.
Question: How did you end up on the Bachelor? Did you apply or did someone nominate you and also was it your first time applying for this show?
Kacie Boguskie: It was my first time applying for the show. I did it myself and it was online, like months before they had contacted me. And then it just went from there but I don't even honestly remember applying online. It must have been a very short application.
Question: Did you not know that the Bachelor was going to be Ben?
Kacie Boguskie: Whenever I applied, no, I did not know. And we didn't know until right before we left who it was.
Question: Did you see him on Ashley's season.
Kacie Boguskie: I did. I watched. I was going through the casting process during Ashley’s season so I watched to kind of in case it was one of those guys to know about him a little bit.
Question: Then I guess when you did find out it was Ben, like what were your thoughts? Were you excited about him being the Bachelor?
Kacie Boguskie: I was excited about Ben. As I had been watching the season there were a few people that I was, you know, I would be happy it was them and so when it was him, I was very excited.
Now, here's Nicki's portion of the conference call.
Jennifer Matarese: Hi, so I was wondering, you didn't really get as much, you know, one-on-one time with Ben as Courtney and Lindzi, and even Kacie. Do you think that, that played a factor into his, you know, letting you go, or do you think it was just a matter of, you know, compatibility or something like that?
Nicki Sterling: I don't really think it played a factor, and the whole time I knew that the time we spent together, even though it was short, you know, it was very meaningful, and I felt that that give him enough to know that what we had was really good, and, and, in my mind I was taking it as a compliment, you know, he didn't need that extra time to kind of figure out that he wanted to keep me around, he, he liked what he saw from the time he was getting with me, and so I, I don't think that played a role in the end. I think, you know, just like he said, I think it boils down to him just having strong feelings for two other women.
Jennifer Matarese: OK. And did you, do you still feel like you were in love with him and you knew him well enough to be in love, or do you think it was, you know, maybe just the situation?
Nicki Sterling: I absolutely knew, and to this day, would say I was in love with him. It was very real, and I know it seems like a fantasy world, and however I felt as though I really got to know him very well, and my feelings were very true and very deep for him, and to this day I tell you he's a great person.
And, and, you know, I don't regret falling so hard so fast at all, and I mean looking back it hurts just as bad to see it now as it did then, but, no it was definitely real, the feelings were real, you know, you, in that situation, you, you get to know somebody a lot quicker than you would in the normal dating scene, and, and I got know a lot about Ben really quickly and liked what I saw, and my feelings were really, really great really fast, so it was definitely real.
Question: It was, I'm sorry, I was going to say it was great seeing you Friday night, but one thing that I didn't get to ask you then, was what surprises you most when you're watching the show back?
Nicki Sterling: Honestly, I don't know. I don't know if there's specific surprises, and I would say one thing that I, I'm almost, I feel good about seeing is some of the connections that I didn't really understand Ben having throughout the deep end and while filming and I didn't see that, and watching it back I now see, for instance, he and Lindzi's connection, I didn't get a good grasp on that while I was living with her.
But watching it back, I now understand why he kept her for so long and, and of course I'm surprised and shocked to see how hurtful Courtney's words were that came out of her mouth, and I mean, I knew while filming, that you know, she was kind of mean, but watching it back I didn't know exactly how mean and how soon the comments started to show, so I think that's probably the biggest surprise.
Question: OK so he has two women left, Lindzi and Courtney. Who do you see him with and why?
Nicki Sterling: I see him more so with Lindzi, and she's very laid back and easy going, and I feel like their sense of humors are very compatible. And my hope is that he picks her.
Question: So do you think it would be a mistake if he picked Courtney?
Nicki Sterling: I do think it would be a mistake if he picked Courtney, as I said in my exit interview, I, he made a mistake by sending me home, and I think he would make one by picking her.
Question: I'm great. You got definitely more under the radar at it than the other final three that got hometown? Do you think your relationship with Ben progressed more slowly or was that just sort of how the viewers saw it?
Nicki Sterling: I, on my end, I think that our relationship got off to a pretty good start, and you know, pretty deep, pretty fast. On his end, you know, hearing him refer to me as the dark horse, that lets me know that maybe he enjoyed my company in the beginning, but, and, didn't have such a strong connection until toward the end, and I'm fine with that, you know, he's said things, like “the more I spend time with her, the greater I feel, the stronger my feelings grow,” and I'm fine with that, you know, if it took him little by little to see good things in me, then that's fine, and although I'm aware that I probably had stronger feelings for him sooner than he did for me.
Question: Right. I know you said you were definitely in love with him at the time, but now that you've watched and really gotten the full picture, have your feelings changed towards Ben and how you feel about him?
Nicki Sterling: Absolutely not. I, I thought, I got to know a really good person while filming, and I stand behind that. I, so I thought, I will say he's a great person. Do I feel for him watching it? Yes. Do I feel that he's being tricked and fooled by Courtney? I do, and I, I think that he's doing what a lot of guys in this situation would. You know, he, he wasn't able to see everything then, and you know, it was based on, his decisions were based on what he could see at the time and I, I was in love with him and I still have, I care about him and still have feelings for him but it's something I had to get over, you know.
I came back and went back to my normal daily routine and it was hard and it, but I'm, I'm finally getting back to that life I was before I started the show and I, it, you know, but no, I wouldn't say, the person I think he is now is the same as it was when (inaudible), and I think looking back those things were true and real, and I would never say a bad word about that guy ever.
Question: I'm great. So, you seemed very surprised about your elimination, but did you see it coming beforehand at all? And if you didn't think it was going to be you getting sent home, then who did you think was going to go home instead of you?
Nicki Sterling: I, I was very surprised. I, just as Ben put it, that each time we spent together, and I felt greater and greater and more confident and more confident, and so I definitely was shocked. It's hard to say who I saw going home. I just did not think it would be me.
And given that situation, you, you always feel what you have with him is greater than anybody else. So, for me, it was really a concept. I just didn't think it would be me. And how, I had no idea how his time with Courtney was versus Lindzi. And I guess in the back of my mind, my hope was that it would have been Courtney, and but, you know, I, going into these things I didn't look at it like, “okay, well who do I have a better chance of staying than?”
You know, it was just, I felt good about myself and my time with him, and so that was the reason I was shocked, it wasn't more so, it wasn't that somebody was staying over me. It was just I didn't see it coming, that's why I said it.
Question: Sure, and it seemed like Ben really hit it off with your family during your hometown date. What was your family's reaction when you got home? Were they disappointed you and Ben didn't work out, and if so, have they maintained that same mind set while watching season unfold? Or has their opinion of him slightly changed since they got to observe his relationships with the other women?
Nicki Sterling: I, when I got home, their biggest fear was that I was very hurt and going through the heartbreak, I wouldn't be able to get back up on my feet, and you know, and, I think that they weren't sure, you know, they were just worried, they’re parents, and, but once they saw me kind of transition back into working and doing what I love and getting back on my feet then they look at it as, you know, a learning experience for me, and a good life experience, and they would have loved for it to worked out.
They really, really enjoyed the time, the conversations they spent with him, and wouldn't have given their blessings if they didn't think so, and just as I do, you know, from them watching it, they feel as though Ben's being fooled. There's a lot of stuff he's not seeing by Courtney, and, or he's not seeing about Courtney.
And you know, I think because my feelings were so great for him, they do now want to express that thought if they have them, about him. And you know, because that was somebody I loved, I fell in love with, and they respect that, and if anything, is just kind of a feeling for the guy because he got fooled just as I said before.
Question: OK, and this week, Chris Harrison said he believed Ben eliminated you because your relationship with him didn't seem as mature as the others he was building, and that you'd probably notice that while watching the season play out. So do you agree with Chris now that you've seen the season, and is it accurate to say that your connection with Ben wasn't on a very mature level yet?
Nicki Sterling: Honestly, I love Chris but I don't agree with that. I felt that our connection was, our relationship was really mature, you know, we talked about really important things, he had a good grasp of my past, and I think for showing a lot of my playful side, which I'm happy with, but that was only part of it, you know. We had a lot of really intense conversations and, and, and, and, I'm sorry, I forgot the second half of the question.
So as far as my relationship being mature, I think it definitely was, you know, I wasn't one to sit there and beg him for reassurance, and I was confident in the person I was, and if he and I were suppose to work out, it, it would, based on me being myself, and I, I tried to maintain that attitude the whole time. And I tried to make some moments with him, you know, very meaningful, yet playful at the same time, because those are two things I think are important in a relationship, so, and, yes, does that answer your question? I'm sorry, I'm like, it's like I'm forgetting something.
Question: I'm good, thanks. So on this weeks' episode, Courtney told Ben she didn't want him to think she was fake and all that kind of stuff, did you believe a word she said, and do you regret warning Ben about her at all?
Nicki Sterling: I do not regret warning Ben about her in the least. I, at that point, was really, really starting to fall in love with this guy, and I felt that if I didn't say something, if he ended up hurt in the end, then I would somehow take blame for it, so I don't regret that in the least. Did I buy her apologizing to him for hurtful things she said about the girls in this last episode?
No. I didn't buy it at all, I, from my outlook, you know, from my stand point, it looks as though she realized that her making it to the end with him, her chances of that might be hindered by the ways she's treated other people so therefore she starts to backpedal. That's, that's my take on it. And just because I never, the Courtney I lived with and got to know was not sincere in that manner and I, I didn't believe it when she was, I didn't believe the tears, I didn't believe the apology.
Question: Right. And I don't know if you've seen, but like all over the internet, Courtney was spotted trying on wedding dresses, there's a bunch of pictures, what do you think about that?
Nicki Sterling: Wow, that's news to me, I, I didn't know that. I'm shocked, I didn't, I didn't know that news, I haven't been up on my gossip, so I would have to chew on that for a while. I don't even know. I'm kind of shocked right now. So I don't know, I'm sorry, I kind of, I don't even have an answer to that, I just, wow, my mouth is open right now.
Question: OK, and one last thing. If Courtney wasn't on the show, do you think your chances with Ben would have been better?
Nicki Sterling: No, actually I, I don't think it's a matter of chances, you know, comparing one girl versus another. I'm confident and I fully believe that if Ben and I were suppose to be together, we would, regardless of the other people around us, and that's what's helped me get through this process, so I, I don't, I don't think she affected my chances and if the connection's there, and he wanted to be with me and propose, then it would have happened regardless of who was around.
Question: I'm very well, thank you very much. I was wondering if you could use one word to describe Courtney and one word to describe Lindzi for me, and just expand on what that word, why you picked that word.
Nicki Sterling: OK, let me think about this for a few seconds. OK. I've got one. Let me think of the other. OK.
Question: You're trying to keep it clean, I see.
Nicki Sterling: Yes, I got it. It's going to be clean. Courtney, I would say “malicious.”
Nicki Sterling: Just because I feel that she knew what to do in the situation in order to build Ben's attention, make it to the end, do what you got to do, and for Courtney, I would say, or for Lindzi, I would say “easy going” or “nonchalant” rather. Maybe that one is a better one.
Nicki Sterling: And for Lindzi, we saw her, her comical side, you know, she's really good at dropping one liners, and how, and we always saw just a real laid back, nonchalant you know, never really got into drama, never got super emotional. I never really saw that super serious side of Lindzi, so watching it now, seeing how strong her feelings were for Ben, it, I'm glad to see that, because I didn't see that while I was in the house, so that would be my best, best one word descriptions for those.
Question: I had one question about, you said that you didn't have a change of heart about Ben, and it made me wonder, because a lot of women, when they have gotten off and seen the show, and saw the skinny dipping, that did change how they felt a little bit about his respect level for the women and blah blah blah, so I'm wondering if that changed things a little bit for you.
Nicki Sterling: It stung a lot, and to see that, knowing that that was the same week I had my one-on- one and essentially, you know, our first real moment together, however I try to put myself in Ben's shoes. Do I wish that he would have said, “oh, not a good idea, the girls are going to be upset about this?”
Of course I wish that, but he's a guy. He's a 29-year-old guy who is being seduced by one of the most attractive women on earth, you know, I mean, I can't, I can't fault him for it. He's a guy, you know, I mean, in that moment, who's to say what any other guy in his position would have done?
You know, I, I mean, she worked her magic and it worked, you know, so it doesn't change my opinion on him, I mean, was I a little disappointed to see that? Yes. But in the grand scheme of things I don't know many other guys who would have done anything much differently.
Question: Probably true. Do you think that, what was I going to say? Oh, you know, with Courtney, with the information that Courtney supposedly was trying on wedding dresses and now that you've seen their relationship and this sort of second side to her with him, do you buy that she actually likes him? Or do you feel, still feel that she was sort of in it to win it and, or do you think that they could possibly have a great relationship?
Nicki Sterling: Honestly, I, I don't even, that is such new info to me, I don't even know how to take it, and my hope is that, by now, especially having a, you know, in Ben's shoes if he, it's like having to watch her, and see everything that he's seen on the show, surely she would not put him through something else, such as a wedding, if it wasn't genuine, and sincere and true love. So my hope is that if those are true, then it is coming from a place of love with her, and that they've worked it out, or whatever. You know, I mean, I would hope that, but I just, I'm shocked, I just can't, I can't believe it at this point, I don't, I don't know.
Question: Did, did you buy, I mean, wedding pictures aside, did you (inaudible) that she liked him?
Nicki Sterling: I, at this point, no. I don't buy it that she loves him, I think there's too many other factors. I think that she can gain a lot from this experience. And I feel that he was almost a prize instead of, you know, a soul mate in this, essentially in her eyes.
Question: All right, great.
Nicki Sterling: Let me know if I'm answering questions thoroughly, because I...
Question: So, Ben said in his blog that he wanted to tell you all the wonderful things he loved about you before he let you step into the limo, but ultimately didn't because he was afraid it would have hurt you even more. What are your thoughts on that? Like, would you have liked to hear the things he had to say, in order to maybe receive a little more closure and understand how he felt for you, or do you think that would have just made leaving even more difficult and heart wrenching for you?
Nicki Sterling: Honestly, it was difficult, heart wrenching either way, and at that point you're, you're taking in the words he's saying, but whether you're really grasping them and whether you can remember them once you get in the limo, that's a whole new story, you know. Your mind's racing, you're trying to get a hold of everything, so who's to say I would have even remembered as he gave me more nice things, and I, I don't feel as though it would have made a difference in getting closure from him.
He made it clear as to why he made the decision he did, and for me, I, I, I'm very comfortable and confident with who I am as a person, and I know I can offer somebody really great things, and it, it wouldn't make a difference if he was to tell me really nice things, it's not that I needed to hear them to be OK with leaving and be OK with myself as a woman and, you know, what I had to offer him and so, that's sweet of him to say that, you know, he had more nice things to say. He just didn't get them out, but whether it would have hurt me more or made it better, I'd say, I'm indifferent on that, you know, on wanting him, you know, if he had a lot of good, nice things to say than why is he letting me go? But then two seconds where he's saying it all boils down to having stronger feelings for people.
So I wouldn't, I'm on the fence about that, I don't think that either way would have made a difference, you know, I heard what I needed to hear to get closure and move on, and I guess that's all that's really important.
Question: OK, sure, and there has been, there has been a report rather, that things are already over between Ben and the bachelorette that he picked at the end. If that's true, what's your reaction to that, and would that surprise you?
Nicki Sterling: I'm sorry, I didn't hear the first part of it, things are over between them?
Question: Yes, there's been a report that things are already over between Ben and the bachelorette he picked, so I wanted to know what your thoughts were if that were true, what your reaction to it is, and whether is surprises you?
Nicki Sterling: I feel as though if, I think it would depend on who was chosen. I think that if Courtney was chosen, then I'm not surprised at all, I don't see how Ben would be able to watch the season and not be extremely upset with her and disappointed, because essentially he's seeing a different person than he got to know. Now, if he picked Courtney, or if he picked Lindzi, and it's already over, then yes, I'd be a little surprised to hear that. I think that from watching Lindzi on the screen I feel that she was there for him and was very open and honest with him and I, if he picked her, I would see it lasting and being really real.
Question: OK, and if Ben ended up choosing you in the end, looking back on everything, do you think your relationship would have lasted, or do you think you have would broken things off?
Nicki Sterling: It hard to say because I'm such a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but if I was, you know, if I had to answer that, I think that if he did pick me then we'd definitely still be together, I think that. I don't think Ben would have done the show if he wasn't genuinely looking for somebody to share his life with, and for me, I wouldn't have stayed in that position and been in that environment for as long as I was if I didn't truly believe and want the same thing.
So I think having both people being open and honest about what they want and where they want things to go, and seeing if things line up as far as lifestyle and where to go after the show, then there's no reason they wouldn't be together. I think, I think we definitely would be if he had chosen me, but then again, you know, he made his decision and you know, I just hope he's OK.
Question: Right, well I know where you're coming from. Just two last questions. How did you end up on the Bachelor? Did you apply or did someone nominate you and was it your first time applying for the show?
Nicki Sterling: It was my first time applying for the show, I honestly was watching Ashley's season of the Bachelorette, and had it DVRed, so I was fast forwarding through commercials, however I got hung up on one that was showing that they had a casting in Dallas that following weekend. I think it was like a Tuesday and the casting was the following Saturday, and I just paused and the thought kind of went in my head, “oh that's not far from me, maybe I should do it,” and then I just kind of pushed it aside, “nah, that's silly.”
And then I got to thinking about it, and talked to some friends and I said, “you know what? I'm going to do it. I'm going to go audition.” At that point, we didn't know who the Bachelor would be, and I was hoping it would be Ben, but further into the process, and you know, before we started filming we found out it was him, and I was stoked, so it was, it was kind of random.
I auditioned for the casting with my mom, but it was the first time I did it, and yes. It was not something I'd been dying to do since I was a little girl, and it's not something I said I wouldn't ever do, so this happened when I was at a good place in my life and felt that I could really, you know, offer him something, and I went with it.
Question: Sure, awesome. And in your final words, you said you thought you were ready to be a wife with Ben, but then after your break up with him, you said it would take a while to feel that way again. Have you moved on since the show, or are you still in the process of sort of, getting over Ben and everything that happened? Like, are you single, dating anyone?
Nicki Sterling: I'm still in the process of completely getting over everything. I'm definitely single, the idea of dating has not even crossed my mind since I left Switzerland, and it's been a good time for me. You know, I've been working, I've been hanging out with friends, I've been focusing on myself, so you know, really trying to get back to that strong, confident place I was at before I left for the show. And I'm, I'm getting pretty close to being back in that position, which, you know, I can in a sense contribute to just focusing on myself and not having anybody else around, dating, whatever.
And so it's just the last thing on my mind. It's hard to really fall for somebody that doesn't fall for you back, and it's kind of a hard pill to swallow, and it's, it's going to take me a while, I think, to be able to put myself out there 100 percent like I did on the show, so but, you know, I'm confident it will happen at some point. I'm just not really ready for it.
Question: OK. So earlier we talked to Kacie and she used the word manipulative to describe Courtney. When I'm looking at the pictures of her in her wedding gown, I'm thinking “oh, she thinks this is her last hooray, and this isn't a real thing.” Would you, I mean I know you said that you didn't know, or it had taken you be surprise when someone asked you that question, but do you think she could just be doing it as a publicity stunt?
Nicki Sterling: Surely not. Surely not. I don't, surely not. If so, I didn't know there were people on this earth that would go that far for publicity. I, I would, I would hope and pray that that is not the case, because that would be, there are no words to describe how horrible that would be, and I mean, somebody's heart's on the line, and not just somebody's but it's Ben's, who I care deeply about, and oh, I just, for that reason I cannot believe that anybody, even somebody as manipulative as Courtney, would take it that far. I would hope not.
If you've made it this far, congratulations! This transcript was a doozy! I hope to have a lot to say about "The Women Tell All" on Monday! One tidbit, if you didn't know, Courtney will be there! This is the first time in "Bachelor" history that one of the final two will attend this show.
Hugs, Kisses & Roses,